


Summer of '99

by PurplePanda



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:02:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22305370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurplePanda/pseuds/PurplePanda
Summary: James Nightingale doesn't fall in love easy but when he does he falls hard. You never forget your first love, or the lessons they taught you!!
Kudos: 7





	1. 10

Sipping my martini in The Dog beer garden, alcohol was my saviour, my constant companion, the reason I got out of bed some mornings. Life was never easy on anyone, for someone to say it was, they were lying, everyone has to experience hurt, anger, pain to reach where they are today and if you survived to this point you are doing well. Martini wasn't my drink of choice usually but today I was sitting out in the sun as I tried to analyse where my life had gone wrong, where I became a bitter, self destructive human being. My father, was the first place I always point the finger of blame, forcing me to sleep with a prostitute, impregnating her in the process, learning much later in my life of my sons existence. Making me feel disgusting and vile for even desiring a man, for being a dirty little queer. However, I am what I created, I could choose to be a better person and yet I can't, I crave the loathing in people's eyes as they realise that I care only for the family closest to me and I will destroy anyone else in my path. I hadn't always been this way and this was something I could not blame Father for. There was only one person I could hold responsible for this feeling, long before Harry, long before John-Paul and Kyle, the first person to break my heart Devon Smith.

June 1999

Listening to my maths teacher prattling on about the importance of fractions, I couldn't help but gaze out of the window, desperate to hear the school bell to signify lunchtime, but it felt so far away. My school was full of pretentious, stuck up, little pricks. I despised them and their judgement and condescending attitude, a private school stuffed to the brim with hormonal teenage boys, desperate to get their hands on the fairer sex and here I was trying not to get an erection watching my classmates in the showers, or when their manhood thumped into my back during rugby practice. The boys all knew I was different, that I was into men, I couldn't hide who I was, just like I couldn't change it. "Mr Nightingale" hearing the thud of the hand on my desk I glanced up to see my teacher looming over me, his thick grey matted beard framing his thin lips as he shouted "Care to enlighten the class as to what is so important about the PE lesson outside the window?". 

The boys around me sniggered as Henry Adams, the most popular boy in my year and the best looking, shouted "It's the tight shorts that do it eh queer boy?" 

I glared at him over my shoulder and my teacher slammed his hand down again "Silence" he roared before leveling his face down to mine, I could see old toast stuck in his teeth, his breath smelling like dog food as he spat "I don't like what you are and nor do these boys, however your parents are paying a lot of money for us to teach you how to be a respectable man" I felt the sweat rising on the back of my neck "Detention after school Nightingale, now get out of my lesson boy". 

I hate this school, I hate the children, I hate the teachers and their prejudice and I really hate my parents for making me attend this awful place. Being in a private, all boys secondary school should be pure bliss for a 15 year old boy like me but instead it blew. I kicked a can of Dr Pepper that was laying on the floor at the side of the drama block before heading down towards the bin sheds at the bottom of the far playground. Once I arrived I pushed the wheely bin watching it shoot across the ground "Alright soft lad". I turned to face the direction of the deep voice and my heart skipped, I could feel it pounding in my chest, hammering so hard I am sure he could see or at least hear it. He was the best looking boy I had ever seen, his skin was clear, without a blemish on it. He had his hair cut into floppy, dark brown curtains and his deep brown eyes were so easy to get lost in, he was the definition of beautiful. I gulped the butterflies in my stomach and turned away from him "what you get kicked out for?" 

"What?" 

"Boys like you don't skive, so you must of been kicked out, what you do?" 

"For your information, I did not do anything, the teacher doesn't like me" 

"Course he don't" 

"Who are you?" I asked 

"Devon" he stood up and headed towards me "I got kicked out me old school and transferred here last week" 

"So you got excluded from school and then accepted into one of the best schools in the country?" 

"Joy's of having a dad in high places" 

"Who is you father?" 

"A tosser" he pulled out a packet of cigarettes "You want a fag?" 

"No, I don't smoke" I replied 

"Course you don't soft lad" 

"James, my name is James". Devon laughed before walking away from me, he lit up his cigarette and everything inside me screamed to let him go but instead as I eyed his firm arse, I could imagine what it would be like to touch him, kiss him, lick him, I called "Devon" he turned back to face me "Can I have one?" 

"Here you go soft lad" he chucked the packet at me and I opened it up, pulling a cigarette out and he moved close and flicked his lighter, the flame felt hot as he moved closer still, I inhaled deeply before spluttering, feeling like I was coughing my guts up. Devon laughed and watched me trying to catch my breath "Come on soft lad, let's ditch this place and head to the park", he turned and walked off. My body was telling me he was bad news and to let him go but instead I swung my backpack over my shoulder and ran after him.


	2. Chapter 2

I had learnt that Devon was the year above me in school and would soon be finishing, he wanted to join the army, the guns held a big appeal to him. He was your typical bad boy, he smoked, drank and took drugs but there was something so appealing about him, he didn't speak of his father, other than they didn't get on. His mother had walked out when he was eleven, taking his two little sisters with her. He hadn't heard a word from her since. I counted down until I saw Devon again. We were skipping school the next day and he had told me to meet him on the industrial estate a few streets away, he had a surprise for me. I was excited to see him, he was going to tell me he too liked boys, that he fancied me and that we would live happily ever after before he would take me some where quiet and teach me how to fuck. "Eh soft lad, over here" the familiar tone of his voice called to me and seeing him sat in the drivers side of a black car, my heart shot into my mouth "Come on, jump in"

"Where did you get that?" I asked

"It's me Dad's, you coming for a ride or what?"

"Does he know you have it?" 

"Course he don't you prick, you getting in or what?" 

I hesitated for a few moments before running over, chucking my school bag into the back and climbing in. "Do you know how to drive?" 

"Nah I pushed it here" Devon laughed before pulling on my school tie "Lose that, you look like a kid". I chucked it into the back with my school bag and he sped off, I quickly put my belt on as he put his foot down. 

... 

An hour and twenty minutes we drove round, thinking we were the coolest kids in the world, he had parked up at the top of a multistory car park and we sat out on the bonnet looking up at the sky "Devon" I looked across at him and he grunted "Will your father be mad?" 

"He won't even notice, he is on a business trip" 

"He leaves you home alone?" 

"Yeah, it ain't no big deal, I am 16 next week" 

"It's your birthday next week?" I asked and Devon nodded "What do you have planned?" 

"I thought I might hit a club or two, maybe a strip bar" 

"Really?" 

"You seriously need to wise up soft lad, no wonder the whole school thinks you're a mug" 

"They don't" I protested, suddenly feeling like the lamest boy alive 

"So what do they think?" he asked 

"That I am queer" 

"So, you are" 

"I'm not" I argued, I don't know why I lied, I just didn't want to lose him, for him to believe I was dirty and vile 

"So you don't fancy boys?" 

"No" 

"So if I did this" he took my hand and shoved it into his jogging bottoms, feeling the length of his penis I felt my own stiffen "You wouldn't want to have a proper old grope" he laughed as I squeezed him and he pulled my hand out "Why do you care what they think of you soft lad?" 

"I don't care" I replied "Why do you keep calling me soft lad?" 

"Cause that's what you are" he laughed "You ain't never been hard for no one have you?" 

"I'm only 15"

"So am I, for another week anyway" 

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" 

"Thirteen" he replied "Proper fittie unall"

"Were you nervous?" 

"Course not" he boasted before jumping up off the bonnet "Come on, let's split I am starving". 

... 

Sitting upstairs in the macdonalds restaurant I felt utterly flabbergasted, I had never been in one before and had definitely never tasted a big mac before, the grease was certainly destroying my blood vessels but here I was tucking in anyway. I watched him sucking hard on the straw, attempting to get his milkshake out and I felt my body tingle again. He stood up and moved towards the stairs and he leant over the banister, I watched him begin to drop chips over the edge, a chuckle emerged from his lips and he glanced over at me "Oi, soft lad, come and have a go". I headed over and watched him chuck chips at a group of young girls who glared up at him "Watch, I am going to hit that ones tits" he chucked some more before shouting "Score". The girls stood up and moved and he turned and threw a handful of chips at me "You wanna come back to mine?" 

"Why?" 

"I can nick some of me dad's booze and we can have a party" 

"Who else are you going to invite?" I asked 

"No one, we can have fun on our own can't we?" he knew his words had teased me and that I wanted him, was this his way of letting me know he wanted me too "Or we can see if we could find them birds, see if they want to come". Before I could answer, he climbed over the banister of the stairs and disappeared, I grabbed my blazer and followed after him. 

... 

He lived in a tiny little ground floor flat, it was painted in a lime green throughout and none of the furniture matched. It was nothing I was used to, I hadn't pitched Devon as a council estate boy, why would I, given his presence at my school. He had instructed me to sit on the sofa and I instantly did as I was told. The room quickly filled with music and I glanced to the stereo, he was pouring us a drink and came over and handed a glass to me, I watched him swallow a large mouthful and I copied his action. The taste was foul and it burnt my throat as it went down "Devon" 

"What?" 

"How do you go to school?" 

"I just turn up in the mornings and that's about it" 

"No, I mean it's really expensive" 

"What and because I live here you are better than me?" 

"No, I just-" 

"Shut up soft lad" 

"I'm sorry" feeling I had upset him, I struggled to make eye contact 

"My dad has dirt on the headmaster" 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, I don't no what" 

"So is your mum rich?" 

"What is your obsession with money?" he swigged the rest of his drink "You rich kids are all the same". 

Hearing the key turning in the lock Devon jumped up and pulled me up "You have to go, now, quick". He pushed me towards the window "Quick, get out". I climbed through the window and glanced back at him 

"When will I see you again?" 

"Just do one soft lad".


	3. Chapter 3

Several days passed and I hadn't seen Devon, school was boring and as much as I tried to bump into him, he didn't seem to be around. I was beginning to think he had left. I had only known him a few days but I ached to see him, to watch him push his curtains back, to smell his tantalising aroma. The boys at school were as pathetic as ever, scribbling queer on my school bag and leaving me feeling like a childish mess. The end of the day couldn't come quick enough and as the bell rang I pushed my books into my bag and ran for the door, I could hear the chants of queer boy as I left. The school was in the distance as I became closer to my home I heard the familiar voice from behind "New bag design eh soft lad"

"Piss off Devon" I said without even looking over my shoulder

"Ooo, someone finally grew a pair" he teased, I could sense he was right behind me and I turned and shoved him "You got out the wrong side of bed this morning"

"Just piss off, I thought you were my mate"

"When did I say that?"

"Why haven't I seen you?"

"Cause my dad made me go to Edinburgh with him, he wants to move there"

"What?" I gasped "You can't"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, I fucked it up for him"

"So you are staying?"

"For now, yeah" he moved a little closer "You got me a birthday present?" 

"Is it today?" I asked 

"Yesterday" 

"Happy belated birthday" 

"You wanna hang out tonight?" 

"Where?" 

"At yours?" he suggested

"Okay, you could come for dinner if you like, I am sure my mother wouldn't mind" 

"Aww, a little play date, mummy will be thrilled" he laughed "Come on then soft lad" 

... 

Devon had stayed for dinner, he had been the perfect house guest, mother had thought he seemed a lovely young man and she was pleased I was making friends, finally. We had headed up to my bedroom and I felt a sudden urge to touch him, kiss him, I wanted him so much. He laid on my bed, flicking through my magazine collection from the floor next to my bed "No porn?" 

"Of course not" 

"Don't even get it up for a dirty mag then soft lad?" 

"Stop calling me that" 

"Why?" 

"Because I don't like it" 

"Cause its true, do you even know how to have a wank?" feeling my eyes betraying me, I turned round, facing away from him, I couldn't bare to look at him. Feeling his hand on my arm, he spun me to face him "Show me" 

"What?" 

"How you wank" 

"No" 

"Frightened it might fall off?" 

"Course not, I don't want to alright" 

"You want me to show you?" he asked "I'll give you one". My whole body began to tingle as he moved a little closer to me and he reached for the buckle on my trousers. I jumped back as my bedroom door swung open

"It's getting late Devon, can my husband give you a lift home?" Mother asked 

"That would be great Mrs Nightingale, if you are sure it's not to much trouble?" 

"Of course not" 

"Thank you" he smiled as my mother left the room, he grabbed his stuff from the bed and laughed "See ya soft lad". 

... 

The next day at school, I knew it would be a difficult day, P. E, it always was a challenge, today was basketball and I was rubbish at it, I had no ball control and I couldn't score to save my life, I was always last to be picked for the team, no one wanting to get stuck with the queer. Once the lesson was over I hung around on the playground, it was the last lesson of the day and I couldn't humiliate myself in the showers again, I waited for a little over ten minutes and sure enough as I headed inside everyone else was gone. I showered quickly and as I came out I noticed my clothes were missing, feeling my heart thumping hard, I hoped this was Devon pissing about but the snickering behind me told me I was wrong, turning to see a small gang of the boys from my year, led by Henry Adams, I knew I was going to be humiliated once again. "Come on queer boy" Henry laughed "Come and get your clothes". I followed them out and into the gymnasium, my clothes were hung from the high climbing apparatus, spread round the room. Henry moved towards me and grabbed for my towel, I fought as best as I could but eventually stood naked in front of the group of boys, I moved my hands to cover myself, feeling my face flush red and tears fill my eyes. "You want your clothes back I suggest you get up there, otherwise we will take them with us" 

"Why are you doing this?" 

"This is payback, for every time you have looked at one of us in the shower" tears began to roll down my cheeks and Henry laughed "Ah look, he is crying like the little girl that he is" 

"OI" the voice echoed around the room "I suggest you back off you little prick". I glanced to Devon, ashamed that he was seeing me as a broken mess 

"Or what arsehole?" 

"Or-" he moved level with Henry and before I could register what had happened, he headbutted him and he fell to the floor "Any of you lot want a go?" he shouted round the room and the boys all made for the exit, Devon knelt down next to Henry, snatching the towel and chucking it towards me, I quickly covered myself and he pulled Henry to his feet "I think you owe my friend here an apology, don't you?" 

"I'm sorry" Henry spat through his bloody, gritted teeth 

"Now fuck off you little twat" Devon shouted before pushing him across the room. He turned to me "You okay?" he asked 

"Yes" I whispered, barley audible. He climbed up the apparatus and began to chuck my clothes down. I quickly dressed and he jumped from half way up "Thank you" 

"Shut up soft lad, come on, let's get out of here".


	4. Chapter 4

Over the next few weeks, Devon and I became inseparable, we would spend any time we could together at school and hang out for hours after school in the park. He had told me stories of his many friends and the girlfriends he had had in the past. The many times he had sex and how amazing it felt every time, I was envious, not of the fact he had sex in the past but that he didn't want me, I couldn't work out if he was attracted to both men and women or if he just enjoyed winding me up by being overly sexual around me. I fancied him, he was more than a silly school boy crush, I didn't stop thinking of him. "Soft lad" I heard him call me as I was leaving the school gates at the end of the day, it was a Friday afternoon and I was just keen to get away from this place, word had spread about Devon hitting Henry and the bullying had stopped, instead everyone whispered behind my back, most probably about the boy that no one knew very much about. "You wanna come to mine tonight?"

"Okay"

"My dad is away for the whole weekend, you can stay over"

"Really?" I asked

"Yeah, I got some mates from my old school coming. Come about 8, my dad will definitely be gone by then" he began to walk off and feeling nervous I said

"Devon" he turned back "Will your friends like me?"

"Yeah, course"

"Even though I am queer"

"They won't care and if they do I will knock em out, I'll look after you, alright soft lad"

"Okay, see you later"

...

Arriving at his house, nerves fluttered in my stomach as I knocked on the door, he pulled it open instantly and let me inside. I glanced round the empty flat and smiled at him "Is no one else here yet?" I asked, watching him pouring me a drink. He was puffing away on a rolled up cigarette and something told me it was more than tobacco he was smoking, he turned and passed me the drink 

"Nah, they bailed, so it's just us" he held the roll up towards me and said "Want some?" I shook my head vigorously and he laughed "You staying the whole weekend?" he asked 

"Yes, I have to be home in time for Sunday lunch" 

"Course you do" he laughed before flopping on the sofa. He pulled me down next to him and he grabbed some dvds from the table "What d'you wanna watch?" he asked 

"Are they all horrors?" I asked 

"Yeah, why you scared?" 

"No, course not" I stumbled over my words "It's just, they are all eighteens" 

"So don't be such a dweeb soft lad and just pick one, I'll protect you from the boogeyman" 

"I'm not frightened" I protested. I eventually settled on Scream, it was a complete blood bath and I remember being to terrified to sleep after. 

... 

The following morning, I awoke on the sofa to the sound of the smoke alarm, Devon was in the kitchen, in his black underpants he was making us both a bacon sandwich, he hit the smoke alarm with a broom and the noise ceased. Devon came and sat on the sofa, passing me a sandwich, he had to cut the mold off the crusts of the bread but I didn't care, I was sat here eating breakfast with the boy I was completely obsessed with. "My mates are bailing again today" 

"Okay" 

"I thought we could head down the shops, I could nick us some stuff for later" 

"Stealing?" 

"Yeah, why not soft lad?" 

"I don't want to get into trouble" 

"You won't, why would I get you into trouble, we are mates" 

"We are?" 

"Course" he grinned at me "I'm gunna get dressed, can't have you perving over me all day". 

... 

Devon had headed into a little corner shop, he told me to wait outside and keep a watch out for the 'old bill' . I was nervous waiting for him, I waited for what seemed like ages and I was sure he had been caught. I peered round the shop door way and seeing him running towards me, he shouted "Quick, bolt soft lad" he shot past me and I saw an elderly asian man chasing after him. I ran my heart pounding in my chest, I felt fear in my stomach with every footstep I took. After about five minutes of running Devon stopped and pulled me down a small lane "That was epic" he laughed 

"Do you think we lost him?" I asked through baited breath 

"Yeah" he leant against a brick wall and placed his rucksack to the ground "Feel this" he pulled me close and placed my hand to his chest, I could feel his heart beating and in that moment everything felt perfect. 

"Mine too" I smiled placing his hand on my chest. We both laughed and I suddenly realised how close we were stood. I felt my underwear tighten

"Oi" the voice of the shop keeper shouted 

"Come on then fatty" Devon shouted at him and laughed before grabbing the bag, pulling on my arm and running off down the lane.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be warned, this is quite a graphic chapter. Thanks for reading 😊

The day had gone past in a flash, we had outran the shopkeeper and when we arrived back at Devon's flat we had collapsed on the sofa in fits of childish giggles. Devon had gone to the local fish and chip shop and got us some chips for dinner. We had eaten the chocolate and drank some of the vodka he had stolen from the shop and he had disappeared into his bedroom about five minutes ago, he returned with a packet of cards and smiled at me wickedly "Wanna play poker?" he asked

"I don't know how"

"It's alright soft lad, I'll teach ya"

"Okay" I replied. I didn't understand what I was doing, Devon had explained but I just didn't get it

"Right, now we done a few hands it's time to up the stakes"

"What do you mean?"

"Whoever wins gets to take the other ones clothes"

"Like strip poker?"

"Yeah, you up for it soft lad?"

"Okay".

...

In just over an hour, I was sat in only my underpants, I had finally won my first round and watching him pull his top off, my penis began to grow, he was slim but had firm muscles on his arms and the indentation of a ripped chest. I gulped and he laughed at me "Your pants are getting bigger"

"They're not" I protested and he dealt the next round 

"You lose this and you will be naked soft lad". I gulped as I looked at my hand, knowing I had no chance of winning. Once the round had finished, I slipped out of my pants and placed them to the pile of my discarded clothes "Stand up and let us 'ave a look at ya". My erection throbbed as I stood up and moved my hands for him to see my body, I stood for several seconds before dropping back to the floor "Now, we need to decide what you are going to bet"

"I don't know"

"How about a blowy?"

"What is that?"

"A blow job?" he laughed "If you lose, you have to suck my dick?". I felt my own throb at the idea and I gulped back the lump in my throat

"Okay" I nodded "But I haven't ever done that before"

"That's alright" he grinned at me as he dealt the cards. The game was over within less than ten minutes and he placed the pack of cards to the floor, before rising to his feet, he had won and had clear intentions of making me stick to my part of the deal, I stared up at him and he smirked "Go on then".

I slowly unbuttoned his jeans and as I pulled them down I felt nerves in my body, I was about to see him in all his glory. I slipped him out of his underpants and I was shocked, he was long and thick and I couldn't imagine being able to fit him in my mouth. I put my lips round the head of him and moved my lips up a little way, I felt his hand push on my head and I moved further up him, his penis pushed down my throat and I felt like I was choking but I couldn't bring my self to stop, my hands moved onto his buttocks and I used his body to steady myself as I sucked him, using all my strength to impress him. Several more minutes passed before I felt the warm, salty liquid shoot into my mouth, I gulped it back as I realised I had made him come. I pulled back and looked up at him, I stood up and backed away to get a better view of his perfection, the wall hit my back and he moved towards me. I gulped and feeling his hands around my penis, he pulled hard on me, once, twice, three times and I shot all over his hand. "Seriously" he laughed "How turned on were you?"

"Sorry" I spoke, feeling utterly ashamed of myself

"Don't be soft lad, you did good".

...

We both remained in our underwear for the rest of the day and I couldn't get my head straight, I was feeling like a king, I had sucked the man of my dreams and he had told me I had done good, I wanted to touch him again but I was so frightened that it wasn't what he wanted. We had watched TV and listened to music and the last thing I wanted to do was go home tomorrow, I wanted to stay with Devon forever. "You are quiet?" he spoke "Are you okay?" 

"Yes, I just, I have never done anything like that before" 

"I know, did you like it?" 

"Yes, I liked it a lot" 

"So you would do it again, if I asked you?" 

"Yes" 

"Do you want to try different things too?" 

"Like what?" 

"Sex?" 

"Yes" I replied "Are you my boyfriend?" 

"No soft lad" he laughed "We are mates but I can teach you how to shag, if you want me too?" 

"Okay" I looked at him "Are you gay?" 

"No" 

"But you fancy boys" 

"No, only you" he smiled at me before moving into me and kissing my lips, his hands were in my hair and I felt the slight stubble of his chin brushing my own. His tongue pushed deep into my mouth and rubbed against mine, I needed air but I couldn't bare to pull away from him. A few more moments passed before he pulled back "We should get some sleep, it's getting really late" 

"So you don't want to have sex now?" 

"No" he smiled "There is plenty of time for that". He pecked my lips and stood up, holding his hand out to me, he pulled me to my feet and led me to the bedroom, I laid and watched him sleeping, he was beautiful and I adored him, it didn't matter that I wasn't his boyfriend, I just wanted to be close to him, he was all I cared about now.


	6. Chapter 6

After spending the weekend with Devon, I became more obsessed. He had been grounded on the Sunday, after his dad had found the empty bottle of vodka. Other than at school I had barely seen him, we were stealing as many moments together as we could but mother had received a call to discuss my frequent attendance issue and once threatened with the truant officer I was told under no circumstances was I to miss a single lesson between now and the end of term. The bell signified lunchtime and I raced out of my class and down to the bin sheds, that had become our place to hang around. Devon was already there and as I approached him I realised he wasn't alone "Hey soft lad" he said "This is Danny, his new"

"Hello"

"Alright" he said glancing at Devon "Soft lad" he laughed

"We were going to head into town and sack off school" Devon said grabbing his school bag "You fancy it?"

"I can't, I'm not allowed to miss any more school"

"It's the holidays next week, what's going to happen?" Danny asked

"No, I can't"

"See you then soft lad" Devon smiled before they both disappeared.

...

On the last day of term I was heartbroken, I had been days without spending any time with Devon, he was with Danny and I was jealous. We had finished half day and as I began the short walk home, I was surprised to hear the familiar voice I had come to love "Hey soft lad". I turned and glanced over my shoulder at him, he was alone but I still didn't want to talk to him. "Oi" he said grabbing my arm and turning me to face him "What's up with you mardy?" he asked 

"You" I shouted 

"What have I done?" 

"Ditched me for that prick" 

"I ain't" 

"I have seen you together" 

"You are acting like a jealous boyfriend" 

"Have you had sex with him?" 

"No I told you I ain't gay". I huffed and turned and walked away "I don't get you" 

"You said you wanted to have sex with me" 

"I do but not if you are going to act like this" 

"Why can't it just be us, like it was" 

"You don't like Danny?" 

"No I don't" I stressed "And I don't like him calling me soft" 

"Alright I will tell him" 

"I have to get home" I spoke turning away 

"Come round later" he said, grabbing my hand and turning me back "My dad is out for the night, it will be just us" 

"What about Danny?" 

"Nah, just us" 

"Okay". 

... 

Knocking on his door I could hear voices and I knew instantly he wasn't alone, when Danny pulled the door open my heart sank. "Alright you little prick" he said and I feigned a smile "Dev, your little boyfriend is here" he stepped aside and I went in, straight through to the living room. Devon appeared and passed me a can of beer 

"You said it was just going to be us" 

"Danny just dropped by" 

"Sorry, am I going to be a third wheel?" Danny laughed 

"Nah, do us a favour" Devon laughed 

"I think I might just go home" I said 

"Go on then, piss off you little dick" Danny laughed. Devon hit his arm and Danny swigged back some of his beer 

"Don't go" Devon said as I stood up "We will all have a laugh" 

"Just let him go Dev, he is a mood kill anyway". I glanced between the two boys before heading to the door "I don't know why you would hang around with a little kid anyway" 

"Don't go" Devon grabbed my wrist and then turned to face Danny "I think you should go Dan" 

"Serious" he stood up "You picking that little tosser over me?" 

"Yeah, I don't want him to go and you two can't get on" 

"Couple of queer boys, you deserve each other" Danny left and I turned to face Devon, he turned and flopped on to the sofa. 

... 

We hadn't really spoken since Danny had left, Devon seemed distracted and I was to worried to ask if it was because of me. He had gone to the kitchen and returned with two more cans of beer, he held one out to me and I thanked him. "Devon" I eventually said "Do you want me to leave?" 

"Nah" he spoke "I want you to stay" he said. He placed his beer can to the floor and took mine and did the same "D'you want to do it?" 

"Do what?" I asked hesitantly 

"Sex?" 

"Okay" I replied. He stood up and took my hand leading me to his bedroom. 

Once we were inside, we both began to undress, my erection was growing already and I could see his was too. We were both stood naked staring at each other, he moved closer and his lips sought mine out, the kiss became more passionate and he pulled me towards the bed, he pulled from my lips and pushed me down, he moved his penis towards me and I opened my mouth and took him in. He had his hands in my hair and after a few minutes he pulled back, he pulled me to my feet and began to rub his erection against mine, the friction was mind blowing and after a few moments he pushed me back onto the bed and opened my legs, he sucked his fingers before seeking out my anus. He pushed one inside me and I groaned, it hurt, a lot but I didn't want him to stop, he pushed another one in and I cried out again. "You want to stop?" he asked and I struggled but just managed to shake my head. A few minutes later he pulled his fingers out and pulled my legs further up and I felt his penis at my opening, he pushed into me gently. It was painful but I loved every minute of him inside me, it was an amazing feeling. He wrapped his hand round my penis and began to pull me gently, after only a few moments I felt my liquid squirt over his hand. He continued to pump in and out of me for a few moments longer before his face changed and I felt his liquid inside me. 

He pulled out of me and he climbed onto the bed next to me, he leant in and kissed my lips, I responded enthusiastically. When he pulled away, we just laid on the bed, chatting and play fighting. It didn't matter what happened from here, I knew I wanted to spend my life with Devon.


	7. Chapter 7

Hearing the banging on the front door I headed to open it. The holidays could be such a drag and being stuck looking after your little brother was beyond boring, most of the time I didn't even like any of my siblings. Father was working, mother was taking Ellie to some dance competition and had dragged Alfie along for the day out, while I was stuck here amusing Nathan. "Hey soft lad" Devon stepped inside the front door, without being invited "You wanna come to the park?"

"I can't" I replied "I have to stay in"

"Are you grounded?"

"No, I am looking after Nathan"

"Cool, d'you want some help?"

"Really? You want to help?"

"Course, if it means I get to see you"

"We are just playing croquet in the garden"

"Croquet, really are snobs ain't ya?" I followed him out to the garden "Hey Nathan" 

"Hello Devon". I watched Devon head over and begin to play with Nathan and I felt an ache in my heart, seeing him happily playing with my little brother, just so we could spend time together. 

... 

The day had passed quickly, mother had invited Devon to stay for dinner, she had cooked spaghetti bolognese and Devon ate like he hadn't been fed for a month. He told me that his father rarely cooked and they had no food, so he didn't always get the opportunity to eat. "You are more than welcome to stay the night, if you would like to Devon?" my mother smiled as she began to clear the plates from the table. 

"Really?" Devon asked, clearly surprised by the kindness "You wouldn't mind?" 

"Of course not, James has stayed at yours on many occasions. It would be a pleasure" my mother walked off and Devon leant towards me and whispered

"It certainly will soft lad". Devon stood up and took his plate to the kitchen "Can I offer any help with the washing up?" 

"No, thank you very much though Devon, I wish you could teach James your manners" 

"I could try" they both laughed and I placed my plate to the kitchen side "The food was delicious, thank you Mrs Nightingale" 

"You are most welcome Devon. Make sure if you stay you let your father know, James will show you where the phone is" 

"Of course, thank you". 

... 

We had decided as it was such a nice evening to pitch a tent in the garden and sleep outside, it was a tiny two man tent but I was excited to be sleeping so close to him. Once we were inside he stripped down to his boxers and slid into his sleeping bag. I was already in my pyjamas and moved over and into my sleeping bag. "You have a good set up here" he spoke staring up at the roof of the tent 

"What do you mean?" 

"Your mum is nice, little brothers and sister and your dad is alright" 

"You don't know my dad, he is far from alright" 

"Why?" 

"I am a disappointment" I replied glancing across at him "He knows I am gay and he hates it" I paused for a few seconds "He hates me" 

"I could never tell my old man I have had sex with you, he would kill me" 

"Why do we have to pretend to be something we are not?" I asked 

"You don't, you are perfect just the way you are" I looked at him again and clearly he felt he had shown to much emotion and coughed self consciously before grinning "For a soft lad" 

"I'm not soft" I protested with a slight smirk twitching at my lips

"Oh yeah?" he replied and I nodded, raising my eyebrow "Prove it" he smiled before he moved towards me and kissed my lips.


	8. Chapter 8

Arriving in the park I noticed Devon instantly, he was sat with his back to me on a swing, I expected him to be up to no good, he normally was, but here he was doing exactly what you would expect any young boy to be doing. I watched him for a few moments, he wasn't swinging he was just sat. I made my way over and crept up behind him "Boo" I shouted in his ear. He noticeably jumped and I laughed loudly before sitting on the swing next to his

"Dick" he sighed "And boo, really? What are you five?"

"Boo actually is meant to surprise someone who is unaware of one's presence, it is in the dictionary"

"Oh yeah, not five, just a stuck up prick"

"Shut up" I smiled "What you reading?" I asked, noticing the book rested in his lap

"Goosebumps, night of the living dummy" he replied, passing the book to me, I read the blub "You read it?"

"No, Father says it ruins the brain, Goosebumps is not intellectually stimulating"

"Well it's perfect for my average size brain"

"I have been reading the famous five"

"You for real?"

"Yes it is actually an extremely good book series"

"Course it is soft lad" he giggled as he put his book into his bag "Gis a push".

...

We had hung around in the park for hours and then we headed into town and sat by the water feature outside woolworths. Devon chucked crisps and sweet wrappers into a nearby trolley before jumping up and stating "This is so boring"

"Me?" I asked, my insecurity kicking in

"No, this place, when I am older, I am going to run away and live some where exciting, like Canada" he stood up and climbed inside the abandoned trolley 

"Canada?"

"Yeah" he used the water feature to spin the trolley and I sat memorised for a few moments 

"Can I come?"

"You will be to busy training to be a doctor or something, you are way to smart to get stuck with someone like me"

"I like being with you"

"Alright you can come then, you can be my cowboy and we can lay under the stars with our horses"

"It sounds perfect"

"Eh, look soft lad" he stopped the trolley and pointed towards the woolworths

"What?" I asked, standing up to see what he was pointing at

"You got any change?" he asked "They have one of the photo machine things"

"Yes, I think so" I replied, digging in my trouser pocket

"Come on then" he climbed out of the trolley and ran over. We spent ten minutes in the machine, posing and grinning before we headed into the shop for some pick n mix.

...

We had gone back to my house and as we sat up in my bedroom playing the game of life he seemed distant. He wasn't his normal bubbly self and I was worried about him "Devon, is everything okay?" I asked

"Yeah"

"Okay" I replied

"I have to go home soon, its getting dark and my dad will freak"

"Do you get on with your Dad?"

"Sometimes, I don't really see him much, he is a bit of a prick and the reason my mum left"

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah I guess" he rose to his feet and grabbed his bag and pulled out his book "Here soft lad" he tucked the photo of us inside before chucking it to me "If your brain fancies a break"

"It's for me?"

"It's just a lend alright" I nodded "And don't come crying to me if you have nightmares". He swung his bag over his shoulder and grinned "See ya soft lad"

"See you Devon".


	9. Chapter 9

There was only four days left of the school holidays now and we had been inseparable the whole way through. We had sex a lot and I loved everything we did, I had the best summer of my life and I knew I was in love and part of me, told me he felt the same way. I was planning on spending the night at his again tonight as I arrived I noticed him sitting in his dad's car. "Hey" I spoke as I approached

"Alright soft lad" he grinned, that beautiful cheesy grin "Fancy a cruise?" he asked. I walked round and jumped in the passenger seat. He turned the radio up loud as we sped round the roads, my heart was in my mouth. He pulled up in a quiet industrial estate and turned the engine off "This is such a buzz"

"Yes" I replied "I love being with you"

"Shut up soft lad" he laughed before he leant across and kissed my lips. He pulled my top up and over my head and ran his hand over my chest "Shall we get in the back?" he asked

"Okay" I nodded before opening the door and climbing out before into the backseat, we both began to take our clothes off and before I knew it he was sucking my erection and his fingers teasing my testicles. I came quickly and he smiled as he swallowed my salty liquid, he pushed his fingers into my anal, stretching me open before rolling me onto my stomach and then opening me with his penis. He stretched me as he pushed in deeper and deeper, I moaned loudly and he bit onto my shoulder, his fingers digging into my hips. He continued his thrusts for several minutes before he released into me.

...

We laid on the backseat of the car and he played with my hair, twisting it in his fingers as my head leant on his lap, I looked up at him and smiled "Devon" he looked down at me "I wish it could be like this all the time"

"Me too"

"Why can't it be?" I asked "Why can't we be together?"

"Cause if we were, your parents would stop us from seeing each other and my Dad definitely would"

"We could run away"

"And how would that ever work soft lad?"

"I could get us some money, I know where my father keeps a lot, you could get the car and we could go and never look back"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes" I replied

"Why do you want to run away with me?"

"Because I love you Devon"

"Nah you don't" he began to dress and I grabbed his face and kissed his lips

"I do love you and I know you do too"

"You really mean it?"

"Yes I do"

"No one has ever said that to me before"

"I mean it" I leant in and kissed his lips "Do you want to do this?"

"Yeah, let's do it" he grinned before kissing my lips.

...

We had dressed and he had pulled up not far from my house, deciding I needed to go home and pack, we had arranged to meet the next day at 10am and drive away and never look back. I sat in the car and we held hands, we planned where we would go, what we would do, the rest of our lives. Everything would be perfect once we escaped. I opened the car door and he grabbed my hand and smiled "I love you James"

"You have never called me that before" I replied

"Yeah well, if we are proper boyfriends I can't keep calling you soft lad can I?"

"I guess not" I replied "I love you too Devon".

...

10am came and went, I sat with my packed bags and the cash I had stolen from my father. Soon the day had passed and he hadn't shown up, he had changed his mind, everything he said was lies, he didn't want me, he didn't love me, it was all lies and games. I took my stuff and headed home, feeling completely ashamed and humiliated by my actions.


	10. Chapter 10

Three days had passed and I hadn't heard from Devon, he really had changed his mind, he must never of loved me. Mother kissed my forehead and placed her unread newspaper to the table "Enjoy your last day off before school darling". I placed another mouthful of porridge into my mouth before noticing the picture on the newspaper. I grabbed it quickly and opened the folder paper and read the headline. 

Sixteen Year Old Murdered in Father's Suicide Pact

I stared at the photo, tears in my eyes, a lump in my throat. The article read on. 

Sixteen year old Devon Smith was found in the early hours of yesterday morning with multiple stab wounds, it's expected he had been dead several days. His father's body was found hung next to him, it is believed that 56 year old Raymond Smith could no longer cope with the death of his wife and two daughters five years earlier in a car accident. 

I felt pain in my heart as I recalled Devon's words of how his mother and sisters had left, did he not know the truth or was it to painful for him to talk about? 

Raymond, who was driving at the time of the accident survived unhurt, whilst Devon had been left with broken ribs. They moved to the area in June from Yorkshire and Raymond is believed to have struggled with depression and neighbours reported hearing many arguments and often seeing Devon with bruises.

Why didn't he tell me? Why didn't I notice anything? Is this why he disappeared for days on end without a word? 

Devon had been attending Totan Manor Private school, his mother's life insurance had secured his education through to university if he choose. 

I felt betrayed by his lies but more hurt that he felt he couldn't trust me. I could of helped him. 

Devon was described as a bit of a loner, not having any friends and spent much of his time alone. 

That wasn't true, to the outside world he may well be a loner but to me he was everything and I loved him so much. 

... 

I hadn't been allowed to attend the funeral, Mother decided due to school commitments and the circumstances around his death it was inappropriate. I had been heartbroken at not being able to say a proper goodbye to the person I loved more than anyone else. 

2020

I arrived back home and headed straight into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I headed over to my dressing table and sat down. Pulling my wallet out I took a small key from behind the photo of myself and Romeo and unlocked a draw on the dressing table. I pulled out the goosebumps book and opened it up, taking out the long strip of photos and the newspaper cutting I sighed as I looked at his face. 

Devon would always be my first love, the boy who taught me so much, the boy who taught me who I really was. 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this story, I hope you enjoyed it x


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